I'm quitting photography, and I'm actually really happy about it!

I made the decision to get a job and go part time as a photographer in late 2020. Between my ever growing health expenses, putting off care due to lack of insurance, and really wanting to do something I felt was contributing to the greater good, a job just seemed less stressful and potentially more meaningful. Besides, I had always wanted to work for the state of Oregon, ever since my internship there when I was in college. So, I took the plunge, fully expecting to continue with my photography business part time.

I was actually really anxious about getting a job. My last boss had been an utter nightmare — emotionally abusive, name-calling, manipulative. I admit I omitted that position from job applications, because I didn’t want to think about, much less discuss, what was arguably one of the most difficult periods of my life. Plus, I had spent the last decade being fed a romanticized version of being self employed. No limit to how much you can make! No boss! Make your own schedule! Total freedom! Yadda yadda yadda.

In reality, maybe I was doing something wrong, but being a full time photographer was living in a state of constant hustle. I constantly felt like I should be working no matter what, because I needed more money coming in. There were times I was worried about money that I would work until bedtime. There have been times after moving to Georgia and after moving back, while rebuilding my business, that I worked for just about every waking hour trying to get clients. Emails, calls, networking events, SEO, website, etc. etc. Working was really the only kind of release I had for the ever-present anxiety over making money. Where would my next project come from? How would I continue to grow my business?

I also had to prioritize my clients over pretty much any fun I wanted to have. In the summers of 2015 and 2016 the band had opportunities for some pretty good paying festival gigs, which we turned down because I couldn’t go. Summer was busy season and I needed to be here to shoot for my real estate clients. Taking a vacation in summer was a no-go. In reality, I couldn’t really afford to take a vacation at any time of year. Between taxes, gas, second shooters, editors, software and gear, everything just added up to so much. I couldn’t even afford the cheapest health insurance plan.

People think that being a photographer is a fun job. They make a lot of assumptions about being a working photographer. Like, if its something that involves creativity that means you love to do it, and that means you don’t need to get paid that much to do it, because you like doing it and get to have “fun” while working. But once you are doing it for a job, it becomes a lot less “fun” — you need to come up with efficient business systems, most of what you do is not shooting or editing but is marketing, budgeting, contracts, invoicing, planning shoots, wrangling second shooters and editors, and all the other things involved with running a business. Plus once you systematize your photography, like you must do if you want to make a living shooting real estate, you lose a lot of the creative element and it, too, becomes boring and repetitive. I’ve literally shot the exact same house in different developments in different suburbs many times. And to deliver a consistent product on a fast turnaround, you have to systematize everything, even more creative shots.

Last year, once I got a job, I stopped doing real estate for the most part, and decided to set up my equine photography business packages at a living wage that would make it worth my time since my time was really precious now. I swore off doing shoots for $300 and then spending 40 hours planning, shooting, editing images, and communicating with the client, hoping that the client would purchase some prints, only to feel like my work was completely unappreciated and a big waste of time when the client just wanted some web sized digital files, or hadn’t looked at my product options beforehand and got upset because they actually wanted a $25 canvas from some cheapo chinese based printer. Can you imagine doing 40 hours of work for $300?

I never once made a living wage on a portrait shoot. They were all subsidized by my real estate and commercial work. And I’ll be honest, the real estate work was grueling. I was making bank before I left for Georgia. But I was also getting up at 6 am, delivering files at 7 am, leaving for my first shoot at 8 am, getting behind on shoots during the day because inevitably there was someone who hadn’t made sure their listing was ready and the home owner would want to “move things out of the way” during the shoot, get home some time between 5 and 7, sometimes go back out to shoot a twilight after dinner, edit or upload files until 10 pm, and then hit the sack. I was exhausted and depressed. By the time I moved to Georgia, I was utterly burned out.

So anyway, I decided to only go with a product package model for my equine photography business that I figured I would keep doing on the side: charge a shoot fee and require the purchase of a package. This is how many successful photographers structure their business because it allows the photographer to control how much money is actually brought in per shoot and ensures the making of a living wage. Guess how many shoots I booked? Zero! Guess how many potential clients told me my shoots were too expensive? 100%! But, I didn’t really care to flex my pricing at all, since my time was now precious. So I haven’t done a single portrait shoot since then.

Meanwhile, my job has been pretty excellent. My boss is awesome, the pay is good, my colleagues appreciate the work I do, and the work has a lot of variety. I get to exercise independent judgement for completing projects and I don’t get micromanaged. Deadlines and expectations are reasonable. I get paid holidays, paid sick leave, and paid vacation time. My job is waaayyyy easier and less stressful than running a photography business and I have so much more free time in my life. It’s great.

I’ve been hanging on to this idea of continuing to shoot for side money for about a year now. I have one last real estate client that really doesn’t want to part with me. She’s been, hands down, my best and most favorite client over the years (thanks so much for your support, Julie!). But I haven’t managed to book any portrait shoots at a living wage. The idea of actively trying to find clients fills me with anxiety. The idea of editing for hours around my day job, on my old computer that I haven’t been able to afford to replace and thus everything takes forever, fills me with dread.

All of these years, I have just wanted to feel free. And in the last year of not shooting, I have realized that being self employed as a photographer never once made me feel free. I felt overwhelmed, anxious, overworked. But never free. And the funny thing is, once I decided that I would no longer shoot for money, I suddenly felt like the chain around my neck was released. I suddenly felt free.

I may keep shooting here and there for fun. On my own terms, on my own time. My camera is pretty high use/low value so I’ll keep it and some cheapo lenses i have laying around. I still have my favorite film cameras to play around with as well. Again, no managing of client expectations or spending time planning out shoots, trying to find clients, marketing, etc. Im only shooting for me for the next little while. Maybe someday I’ll offer shoots again. I don’t know. Probably not. Right now I’m not feeling like that’s where my heart is. I have other interests to pursue in my spare time. Music. Fiber arts, sewing. Acting? Other things I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid? Search and rescue with Bella (if I can figure out a haul situation), spending every minute I can with her because she makes me feel calm and happy.

It’s funny to think that all these years I had it backwards. I thought that being self employed would someday make me happy. If I could just get to some point in my business where it all felt stable. If the right doors would open (they never did, no matter how hard I knocked). But in the last year of being employed and giving up entirely on my self employment dreams, I have actually been happier and less stressed out than in the past decade of self employment. So, I’m gladly calling it a day, throwing in the towel, closing up shop. Because, I’m finally free.